... things are looking brighter.

What a hard start to a new year, I struggle to get though January at the best of times, but this year beat me up in a way I wasn't ready for, everyday was a battle to focus on inching forward as my brain decided to over analyse the past year and every dumb decision I made putting me on an emotional rollercoaster of self hatred, regret, depression, constant negative thoughts and and more self loathing... (which would be easier to deal with if it wasn't completely justified)

I've done a bit of running which is the only thing that's really got me out of the house.

Occasional brightness have occurred, mostly figuring out knowing what I need to do to progress, learn from mistakes, don't let things get out of control, avoid meaningless distractions, do less.. and more. Trying to work out where it all went wrong, realising some things can be undone.. somethings can't, putting energy into the important battles (figuring out what those battles are) Ask more questions. Realise asking for help isn't a weakness. Don't get caught up in details or the big picture, focus somewhere inbetween.

Hello one of those days again won't happen again until 1/1/1, that's a way off, we'll all be living in bubbles.

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What has happened since the last post? I broke two bike frames, the Ti cracked at the BB, then the pumpkinbred cracked on the chainstay - although completely cracked so I'm still riding it.. that's all.

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Hooray! finally the electrics are going into the house, yes I've had electrics since i moved in, but they were ropey, mostly from the 80's fusebox from the 60's dangerous and very very random.

I spent hours between Xmas a and New Year sinking new back boxes into the walls (I'm very good at this now) and yesterday after many delays the electrician was available connect them together, and today the new consumer unit was slapped in, hooked up, switched on and BLAM! all working (except the boiler as that's randomly connected *somewhere* to one of the circuits we decommissioned (if it was connected to the lighting circuit I would not be at all shocked!) - no matter, I fixed it with an extension lead and tomorrow it can have it's own circuit and RCD.

Somehow the burglar alarm is connected to the kitchen loop, via something that looks like it should be used on a caravan, this oddity will be removed when I get around to destroying the rest of the kitchen and get that re-wired, in about a year I would guess.

But for now, I have safe sockets in much better places (with an earth!), proper flippy fuses, less wires sticking out of the walls and tomorrow LIGHTS THAT ACTUALLY WORK and are also in the center of rooms - currently both bedroom lights are almost in the corners) - eventually the bathroom / hall and kitchen will be downlights, but that requires me to make a lot of holes, and with the new lighting ring I can connect these myself.

I guess now I should think about getting new windows, but that's a winter job to grab the best bargains!

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